frustration

alright. so i feel really gay for writing in this for some reason.. i donno. its just wierd that i can let all my thoughts out on this but not really to people..

i guess it is better said then done..

i sometimes dont even want to speak my mind anymore.. after all that rejection i had for saying how i feel.. 

spilling my heart to you.. telling you how i really feel.. and you didnt care..

ignore me... got mad..

i never said any of that stuff to hurt you.. or make you mad.. i said it becuas ei meant it.. and it was how i felt.. i was hurt. i was mad. i was pissed off.. and i needed to get my anger and frustrations out of me. you cant tell me that you have never said something bad.. or something you wish you could take back.

we have both made horrible mistakes. but its what makes us learn. and we grow from them. we learn what was right and what was wrong. yes we were both hurt along the way. but you know what. love is suppose to surpass everything..

all the ups and all the downs.. the highs and the lows.. 

when my parents were fighting.. you said they loved eachother to much to let anything happen..

okay maybe that is right..

but does that mean we didnt love? we loved eachother.. i loved you.. you loved me.. 

why did this happen then..

i never really understood the point of any situation like this.. 

if you love someone so much.. you shouldnt let that go.. even when times get hard. 

we made a promise to eachother.. 

and it hurts so much that it had to be broken..

after all this.. and this expierence of being hurt again.. it realy has showed me that i cant trust. i gave someone that trust.. and it was just thrown back into my face..

i gave someone my love.. but yet.. its gone.. 

or at least to him..

its amazing that after a month i am still talking about this

its fucking annoying i just want it all to go away i want everything to be okay.. i want to be able to have those amazing times again.. i waant to go to sleep happy.. knowing that i am safe.. and have that someone that will always be here for me.. i want to be able to know that you are there.. thinking of me.. missing me loving me.. i want to start over..

i want to know that it is possible =/

i have been around so much heartbreak in the past month it is uneblieveable. 

i have lost hope for everything.. everyone..

like honestly though can anyone be happy anymore?

is happy even possible?

it kills me to see people upset and going through what i have been going through.. it kills me.. cause iknow how bad it hurts. and i would NEVER want anyone to ever feel the way i have been.

:( forvevo and evo,

im not breaking my promise.

my new book

soo i never did finish the wicked book.  haha

i was almost done but then i saw the play again and its so different it got me mad. and i just dont want to read it anymore because it just got dumb and hard to understand

so my new books i am going to read this summer are the Harry Potter books. 

i read the first one long ago. so now i am started with the second book. The Chamber Of Secrets.

i believe i started it once before but i just never finished like every other book i try to read. i am actually going to do this though haha. i want to read all 7.

oh yes. and i am pretty much over summer right now. its just getting old and the same stuff is happening haha. i really beileve every summer just repeats itself. im so over it its not even funny. for some reason i really wish i were in school right now. i need something to do with my life. and i am so excited for the new school year. it is going to be amazing. despite who is in it or not. none of that is going to bother me. i made peace with the people i needed to. and wanted to. things happen for a reason. and im leaving it that way. yeah i miss alot of people but i mean i guess this was meant to happen? who know's.  i just can't wait to graduate. yeah its not for a year but still. once the school year starts it is going to go by so fast. i can't wait.

summer two thousand and eight

the beginning of summer started out fine.

it gave me a reason to trust that it would be okay.

i got past the first two weeks.

then after that everything went a little crazy.

to much drama. i am too young for it. i need to just live my life despite the down falls. i only have one more year of high school. i need to stop letting things get to me. i need to not care. 

one more year and i am gone. gone from the lying, backstabbing, jealousy, cheating, and stupid little bullshit fights. its time to get serious. i am done wasting my time on stuff like this. 

i am over it. i forgive you. 

good day :] 

ooh yeah im reading a book which is my summer goal ======>

Trust..

Over the past two years i have grown more and more aware of my surroundings. I went through a hard time before high school. the hardest ever for me.. i gave something up and i should have waited. i gave something up that can never be given back.. and the worst of all is i gave it to the wrong person. Someone who didn't care. i was very young.. i still am.. and it still hurts to think how  i would do that to myself.. 

most of who i am today. and how i think today was built up around my experiences when i was younger. it brought upon my jealousy and my trust issues. 

The hardest Obstacle i go through today would definitely be my clash with trust. i don't know who to trust anymore. my family is number one. and i definitely have my trust in them. but when it goes with my friends. i just cant do it. i try so hard. but its unbelievable how fast someone can turn on you. i have so much inside of me. stuff i want to led be heard. so many little secrets about myself..

but for some reason.

something is holding me back...